Phony self-esteem, because it can impede progress toward positive change, is not good for one’s mental or spiritual health.

Myths of self-esteem
By W. Patrick Cunningham

    One of the more enduring modern legacies of the Enlightenment is our obsession with measuring everything, even intangibles. Annually there are countless projects to measure the progress of schoolchildren in various countries. Over the past three decades American youngsters have in every category but one seen striking declines. In math, reading, writing, geography, history and the other core disciplines American children of the nineties are significantly inferior to their parents and grandparents. But their self-esteem, however measured, is much higher. In other words, they are inept in every important life skill, but they feel great about themselves!
    We should not be surprised at this development. The education system has devoted uncounted resources to improving the self-esteem of children. Children’s educational programs all repeat “you are wonderful” incessantly. In fact, California Assemblyman John Vasconcellos heads up a legislative “Task Force on Self-Esteem.” Dozens of books are peddled to schools and churches, and used in the continuing education of educators, parents and clergy. Self-esteem checklists are hawked on the Internet, sold to millions and widely used.
    Teachers and preachers are rightly concerned, with parents, about the severe decline in standards among youth. But most would fail to make the connection between the movement to improve self-esteem and that decline in standards. In fact, there is almost certainly a causal relationship between certain phony systems of self-esteem promotion and the decline in intellectual and moral standards. Only a widespread movement toward honesty in the self-esteem “industry,” and even more among those of us who influence others, can reverse this trend away from quality and high achievement, and moral integrity. And it is precisely with teachers, preachers and parents that the power lies to reverse this unhappy course.
Self-esteem, real and phony
    Real self-esteem must develop hand-in-glove with the Socratic rule “know thyself.” If self-esteem is based on anything other than Truth, it is self-delusion. Authentic self-esteem begins with the understanding that everything God made is good, very good (Gen. 1:31). In street language, “God does not make junk.”
    True self-esteem, however, is tempered by an understanding that while God’s work is very good, that work has been spoiled by both the original rebellion (Gen. 3) and the individual, personal rebellions that arise in every human heart day by day. Although human beings are very good, their actions are sometimes quite bad, because of their moral weakness and inclination toward evil (Rom. 7:13-23). Neither God nor God’s law is responsible for that evil, because it directly resulted from man’s free choice of evil actions over the good.
    Phony self-esteem, on the other hand, gives only a passing recognition of reality. The most essential component of human self-esteem, the esteem peddlers seem to say, is that every human being should feel good about himself. To promote these feelings of self-worth, therapists and counselors help their subjects to repeat self-esteem mantras such as “I am good and worthwhile,” and to recall happy and productive incidents in their lives. Sin and error is intentionally glossed over, considered a passing and inconsequential facet of life, or blamed on an imperfect environment. Bad feelings and memories are things to be “healed” without the essential components of repentance and forgiveness.
    It is fairly easy to see how an inauthentic self-esteem can lead to poor performance. Our weak human intellects are constantly confusing the “is” with the “ought,” and forever mixing up our being with our actions. If I constantly say “I am good and worthwhile” I can stray into the syllogism “therefore everything I do is good and worthwhile.” The impressionable child who is taught his essential goodness without an understanding of human weakness and sin will also hear that everything he does is good. Educators reinforce this confusion by employing systems of evaluation that assign positive-sounding marks even to inferior work. Thus a child who is struggling to read at grade level may be assessed as “using above-average effort” when in fact he is failing to accomplish the task. I may be working hard to move a boulder in my back yard, but I may still fail if I ignore the prybar in my garage.
    The very language of self-esteem “checklists” seems to unintentionally reinforce this confusion. “I am as valuable as a person as anyone else” is a true statement, particularly in the light of the sacrifice of Christ that has given us the very life of Christ. Access to his redemptive act is available to all. However it is a slight thing to distort that aphorism into “My work is as worthwhile as anyone else’s,” a patently absurd statement. “I have the qualities I need to live well” is true for everyone, even those with mental impairments. But it can be misinterpreted to mean our human attributes cannot be improved on. It’s a short step to “why do I have to change all the time?”
    We accomplish nothing useful on the moral level when we employ the same anemic kinds of language and standards to evaluate moral behavior. If we use the same terms (“significant other”) and assign the same benefits to those who “shack up” as to those who are lawfully married, then we are giving our tacit approval to living in sin, and we are devaluing moral behavior. We are giving the same “honor” to those who treat sex as a recreation as to those who sign forth its unitive and procreative reality. If we see cheating go on in the workplace and ignore it, then we are rewarding inept or immoral behavior, and ensuring that more of it will occur. “He doesn’t know any better” or “She was burned in her first marriage” are unacceptable excuses of evil actions. In our passion to avoid damage to the self-esteem of others, we have dispassionately demolished our society’s moral buttresses.
The better bad old days
    Among the most passionate proponents of the self-esteem movement are certain religious educators who began to make loud noises in the seventies. Their influence has been felt in every phase of church life. The message is simple: get rid of the “Lo I am a wretch” spirituality and self-image, replacing it with the image of a man or woman empowered by Christ to do good and to feel good about self. In the “bad old days,” they tell us, we were constantly implored to make frequent confession, daily examinations of conscience. The result was depression and gloom and a very sad Church. By contrast, today we are supposed to focus on the good things of life and put aside the rest. “Don’t worry, be happy” they sing with Bobby McFerrin. Holy Communion forgives minor sins and indiscretions, so Confession is rare (and rarely available in most parishes).
    The problem, of course, is that because life isn’t like that, the earthly paradise we were promised has not materialized. And it will not in the future. Despite a roaring economy, psychologists report more chronic depression today than ever before. Our society is wealthy, but mired in gloom. If we feel so good about ourselves, why are we on such a “downer”?
    Phony self-esteem, after all, is self-delusion. On a natural level, self-esteem without self-understanding leads to presumption. We believe that everything should be OK because we are good and decent people. When, inevitably, something goes wrong with our life, we tend to despair. The cry then is “what did I do to deserve this?”
    Again, we can refer to a popular checklist for some hints. “I feel warm and loving toward myself” is a statement that would be marked true by nearly everyone, even a psychopath. Human beings do not need explanations of the good times, or validations of their good feelings. We mortals feel self-doubt and consider life changes only when things go wrong. Improvement can come, in most lives, only when that life is badly fouled, when we are shaken out of our moral inertia. Feelings of self-worth, by themselves, are not enough to carry us through these bad times. We must look outside ourselves for help out of the moral and intellectual quicksands that we fall into.
    Phony self-esteem, because it can impede progress toward positive change, is not good for one’s mental or spiritual health. Although the “bad old days” had problems with scrupulosity and pharisaical behavior, at least churchmen were telling the truth about man. Yes, we are redeemed by Christ. No, that doesn’t mean all our behavior is good. Yes, everything that God made is good. No, that doesn’t mean you can do whatever you like. Examination, repentance and confession were seen as necessary components of the Christian life, and promoted frequently. Today, we have even worse problems with moral laxness, presumption and pharisaical behavior. Only an utter Pollyanna would argue that the “bad old days” weren’t better than today.
Reforming self-esteem
    If the self-esteem movement is to be beneficial to individuals and society, it must face up to its failures and itself achieve an authentic self-understanding. The optimistic model of man that it peddles has to be discarded. Man is, we all must admit, a good creation with self-induced flaws. Even on a secular level, we should all agree that “I am good and worthwhile, but my thoughts, words and actions can stand improvement.”
    Thus we can be brought to the threshold of the Christian experience. Just as when we are born, we are good beings with much weakness, much potential, so also when we are born through Baptism into Christ, we are incipient Christs for the world still having much moral weakness and potential. Through study and experience, we learn to discern the good from the bad. Through prayer and the operation of grace (especially sacramentally), we acquire the power to do good and avoid evil. We are, in Christ, becoming less our weak, self-absorbed “I” and more the powerful, self-giving child of God. At every moment, then, we are in some sense both a finished product and a work-in-progress. Ultimately, at the moment when our self-improvement by grace is perfected, we are so utterly one with Christ that we self-identify with him. We understand at last that whatever in us is good and worthwhile is Christ, that whatever power to act for the good is in us comes from the power of his Resurrection.
    I would suggest that any catechetical materials that fall short of this standard be rejected. In our writing and our teaching, we have an obligation to tell the whole truth about man, and to promote a healthy form of self-esteem centered in Jesus Christ. 

Mr. W. Patrick Cunningham received his B.A. and M.A. in theology from St. Mary’s University in Texas. He also earned an M.A. in education from Stanford University. He has taught business ethics at Incarnate Word College and is now on the adjunct faculty of the University of Texas at San Antonio. His last article in HPR appeared in June 1997.

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