Funerals are special occasions for zealous and
empathetic priests to show Jesus
to mourners seeking the consolation of God.

Funeral celebrations
By J. Anthony Meis

“Comfort my poor soul distressed; Come and dwell within my breast.” These lines taken from an old devotional hymn reflect the sorrow of a grieving heart and the ardent desire to experience the tender comfort and genuine consolation of the Lord. In times of grief and great distress we all need the gentle support of others and the special solace of the Lord.

The death of a loved one can be so traumatic that it sets our head spinning and often prevents us from properly focusing full attention on whatever business or duties are at hand. This is even more so when we experience the death of someone especially close to us.

While the grieving period and process of adjustment vary from person to person, whatever we priests can do to alleviate the pain of loss and to bring comfort to the bereaved ordinarily will be much appreciated and long remembered as an act of special kindness. It may also be considered as a reflection of the kindness of Jesus and a ministry of consolation.

In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus says, “Blest too are the sorrowing; they shall be consoled” (Matt. 5:4). Believers with heavy hearts seek the comfort of the Lord and they expect priests to facilitate some of this comfort.

Funerals are special occasions for zealous and empathetic priests to show Jesus to mourners seeking the special consolation of God. At the time of death and the wake which follows, the very presence of a sympathetic and loving priest, an official representative of Jesus, brings comfort to the sorrowful family and lifts some of the heaviness from drooping shoulders.

Not all priests are especially gifted in the ministry of consolation. Sometimes great efforts are made (or at least some priests convince themselves so), but somehow the results do not seem to match even the average expectation of mourners. Perhaps some shared ideas in these few pages will be of assistance to readers in search of some practical help. Let’s take a look.

Some problems, suggestions and reflections
Priests are sometimes requested to celebrate a funeral for someone completely unknown to them. In such cases one cannot expect the homilist to deliver a homily reflecting close personal friendship. The homilist would do well, however, to make an effort to learn some pertinent information about the life of the deceased and to interweave this into the funeral homily.

Probably more often than one would like to think, some priests conduct funerals in set routine fashion giving the odious appearance of task performance rather than a genuine pastoral concern for the family in bereavement. How very sad! The prophet Ezekiel pungently points out the evil of false shepherds who put personal convenience above true pastoral concern for the sheep.1 Are the prophet’s words on this point not a shuttering message for priests in general and especially for any who gravitate to the point of becoming a sanctuary functionary? Jesus expects priests to avoid routine ritualism and to manifest a heartfelt pastoral concern for those who suffer.

Involvement of family and friends in the planning and celebration of funerals can be surprisingly beneficial. If the priest encourages family input and tries to respect family wishes within liturgical norms, the results tend to be soothing and positive. This approach requires trust and flexibility on the part of the priest. It also shows a sensitivity to individual situations—something not found in mere task performance.

A Catholic layman who frequently plays the organ for funerals in a rural church complains vehemently about the pastor’s choice of Gospel reading for funerals. Invariably it is the passage about the death of Lazarus. The use of this particular Gospel reading for funerals has been going on for many years. Another pastor in a very large parish conducts numerous funerals every year, but there are no variations in his choice of Scripture readings.

How monotonous, vapid and unprofessional! Such tired thinking reflects poor pastoral judgment and a lack of genuine empathy. The Order of Christian Funerals offers a wide selection of Scripture readings. The readings should be studied well in advance and chosen with thoughtful sensitivity.

An old pastor in another parish patted himself on the back for consistently having very short funeral Masses. After each funeral Mass he used to say, “I did well. I got them out in 20 minutes.” For him brevity was the hallmark of a fine funeral. Never did he have two funerals on the same day. Hence, there was no need for such a rush job. Brevity may be fine for an after-dinner speech, but usually it seems inappropriate for funeral Masses because it is so very disproportionate to the deep sense of loss.

Many years ago I was assigned to a parish where the pastor immediately informed me that he celebrated all weddings—joyful events. I was delegated to handle all funerals because they are sorrowful occasions and funeral preaching aroused the anger of the pastor.

How pathetic! Scripture presents the ministry of Jesus as embracing both joyful and sorrowful situations. St. Paul tells us to “comfort and build up one another” (1 Thes. 5:11) and “Do not stifle the Spirit” (1 Thes. 5:19). Isn’t the Spirit grieved when we priests lack enthusiasm and acute sensitivity in ministering to God’s people suffering the loss of a loved one?

Funerals are marvelous opportunities for compassionate priests to exercise the healing and consoling ministry of Christ. The attitude with which we plan and the manner in which we celebrate funerals will have a significant impact upon those in attendance—for better or for worse. To a large extent the measurable success of healing which occurs in connection with funerals is in direct proportion to the zeal, enthusiasm and prayerful reflection of the priest involved in this ministry of Christ—the ministry of consolation.

For some priests music at funerals is tolerated provided that it doesn’t lengthen the Mass even one minute. Those in this category usually have a pre-arranged agreement with the organist. To make sure that music is only a filler, it is quite common in such arrangements that the same music is used at all funerals and that the gathering (entrance) hymn stops as soon as the presider enters the sanctuary. Those who adhere to this pattern seem to be quite oblivious to the rightful role of sacred music in liturgical celebrations.2

One wonders whether, in one of his various reprimands of the Pharisees, Jesus did not include priests who handle funerals so routinely that the rite is devoid of empathy and set in a self-tradition of inferior pastoral ministry. Listen to this stern remark of Jesus, “That is how you nullify the word of God in favor of the traditions you have handed on” (Mark 7:13). The Gospel accounts portray Jesus as emotional, empathetic, compassionate and very personal in the scenes of death.

Strikingly different
When my older brother died suddenly and unexpectedly, I had the privilege and honor of conducting the vigil prayer service, presiding at the funeral Mass and officiating at the graveside. Having settled and lived in the rural community and local parish for 40 years, my brother was a distinguished leader, a retired high school teacher and friend of many. His entire funeral was far above average. It was inspiring, uplifting and comforting. While I had an important role, many others made very valuable contributions. The joint efforts of so many demonstrated great Christian teamwork.

Strikingly different from any other wake I had ever attended was the carefully planned and expanded prayer service which included lively guitar music following the first reading from Scripture. It was a full length hymn sung by the entire group—200 people. Following the Gospel proclamation and special homily, there was a lengthy period for story telling and personal sharing by so many people in front of the entire group. This was not done entirely spontaneously.

On the contrary, it was well planned and carefully orchestrated. The first speakers were well prepared. Then several others, including some siblings, spoke spontaneously expressing deep feelings of love and appreciation. Interspersed were well written statements of colleagues who could not attend. These were read. Various people gave personal testimonies which enlightened us about a man who truly made a difference for a multitude of people whose lives he had touched. Finally each of his three sons shared a somewhat different perspective of their beloved father. Each son had a carefully prepared message which touched the hearts of all who were present.

Then using an idea borrowed from workshops, I elaborated on three points brought out in the group sharing. This technique neatly tied the sharing together and made a nice conclusion.

Immediately after I led a short prayer, the Knights of Columbus led the rosary and no one left until it was finished. Many in attendance were non-Catholics. Although the entire vigil prayer service lasted 90 minutes, it did not seem long because it had a soothing and uplifting effect. Furthermore, many who were there were also actively involved.

The next morning 400 people filled the rural church for the funeral Mass. Congregational singing was great. For the gathering hymn we sang all five verses of “Amazing Grace.” All four hymns were sung in their entirety and all the liturgical acclamations were sung.

In the cemetery we sang two verses of “Holy God” and three verses of another hymn after the prayers at the graveside were concluded. Music makes closure somewhat more gentle and helps mourners to accept the finality of the earthly sojourn.3

Music
For centuries political and military leaders have been keenly aware of the important role of lively and triumphant music played by military bands of victorious nations during the signing of peace treaties. Lively music contributes much to the psychological mood which enables defeated leaders to agree to heavier losses than otherwise. It eases some of the pain of defeat.

Throughout the ages liturgists and some great spiritual leaders have emphasized the importance of music in liturgical celebrations. The rhythm and lyrics of good music at funeral celebrations is a healing element gently soothing the pain of great loss. It is like a fine ointment gently applied to a deep wound.

Carefully selected hymns and liturgical acclamations which are very familiar to the congregation encourage and stimulate good congregational singing. Such hymns and acclamations recall many happy memories of the past, especially for those who like to sing. Congregational singing during funeral celebrations has a unifying and supportive effect on mourners.4

Funerals are one-time celebrations which should not be rushed. There are no second chances for correction or improvement. Whatever is done should be the very best. For these reasons do not hesitate to sing several verses of each hymn.

Some years ago when I was a pastor of a small rural parish, a family from a neighboring rural parish requested a private funeral Mass for a young man. Since the family’s pastor was on vacation and burial would be in the cemetery of the parish I served, I granted the request. I respected the family’s request for no organist. Nothing more was said about any music for the funeral. So I chose well-known hymns and led the congregational singing which shook the walls. The congregation numbered about 275 and almost filled the church. I did not know any of these people and I did not know how many would sing along, but the choice of familiar hymns that were dear to them made a difference. We sang all the verses of each hymn. Singing together enhanced the celebration while it soothed the pain of loss.

Even singing one hymn or responsorial together at the vigil prayer service has a unifying effect and is appreciated as a healing touch. It sets the stage for what is to follow the next day and adds soothing ointment to the wound of loss.5

There is something special about concluding grave-side prayers with one or two hymns dear to the deceased and/or dear to the mourners. Such communal singing at this point is like fresh rain drops on a beautiful rose. It adds a soft touch to the closure and provides the mourners with a treasured memory.

Preaching
Funeral preaching should be special. The occasion is sometimes called “a teachable moment” because the listeners are usually very attentive to what is or is not said. They want to hear something that gives them hope —something good about the deceased loved one; something they can fix and cherish in their memories.

Hence, funerals are an excellent occasion for the homilist to sow seeds. With God’s grace such seeds may eventually produce a fine harvest. Good funeral preaching can be very inspiring, truly comforting and realistically challenging.

To make the homily special rather than generic, it is essential to know something about the life of the deceased. Obtaining this vital information is not so difficult. Usually close relatives are happy to share facts about the deceased and they will point out some good qualities. It is important for the homilist to do his homework.

A good funeral homilist knows how to carefully relate the virtues of the deceased with the Scripture readings. The use of this method sharpens the listeners’ awareness of the impact of the life of one good person who made a difference. Even in very bleak cases, we must be careful not to offend by saying nothing about the deceased. While it is not our role to pass judgment, we must offer the listeners some hope. Without exaggerating or telling lies we should bring out the good qualities of the deceased.

Not every priest is a gifted preacher like St. John Chrysostom or St. Anthony of Padua. Homilists who find preaching quite difficult should take courage. The Curé of Ars was not an eloquent speaker, but his preaching was impressively effective. In a simple style he spoke plain truths from his heart. The conviction with which he spoke and the example of his personal life touched the hearts of many listeners and moved them to reform their lives.

If a priest properly prepares his homilies through prayer and personal reflection, has a good message and speaks from his heart to the hearts of the listeners, the message will be well received. Even if the homily is unpolished and not well rehearsed, if the homilist speaks from his heart and has a real message, the words will flow and listeners will understand. Sincere preaching from the heart to the hearts of the listeners is a key factor.

There is wisdom in the funeral presider’s special gift to the bereaving family—the gift of himself. If the funeral is a very beautiful celebration, it will remain a cherished memory of the family—a memory which tempers the pain of loss removing some of the sting of death. This is the beginning f the process of inner healing. This is the healing touch of Christ and we priests should be integrally instrumental in this ministry.

While the Mass, sacraments and Scripture passages are spiritual comforts and should not be underestimated in any manner or degree, zealous priests truly devoted to the ministry of healing the broken hearted can do much to alleviate the pain of great loss. With God’s help, priestly sensitivity, personal attentiveness, prayerful reflection and consistent effort, this priestly ministry can be significantly improved—even by priests accustomed to a lesser standard. Jesus says, “But take courage, for I have overcome the world” (John 16:33) and “know that I am with you always” (Matt. 28:20).

People in the pews want to see Jesus in priests commissioned to minister as Christ’s representatives or ambassadors. May the thrice-holy God bless abundantly self-sacrificing and assiduous priests who, by their personal empathy and zeal, bring the consolation of the Lord to those who mourn. “Blest too are the sorrowing; they shall be consoled” (Matt. 5:4).

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