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It is very difficult for our single Catholic men
and women today,
because of the sexual revolution.
Ministering to single adults
By Thomas G. Morrow
When I arrived in a city parish some years ago, I had already worked with several young adult groups in suburban parishes. None was very successful. We might get ten or twelve members at a meeting or event, but no matter what we tried, nothing seemed to bring a good number of them together for spiritual growth and real friendships in the Lord. Many of them turned into what I had experienced as a young bachelor: lonely hearts clubs.
So, my hopes weren’t so high when I was made moderator of the cathedral young adults club. The attendance for this group was even lower than that for my previous groups. But, I noticed a good number of young, single professionals attending the noon Mass every day. “If only we could get some of these people,” I thought, “we could really have something.”
When I heard that the Washington Catholic Forum (monthly talks on the faith) was drawing over a hundred people at a clip, it occurred to me that we might try our own lecture series. I proposed to our group that we hold a three-part seminar entitled “Christian Dating in An Oversexed World.” “I think we could get sixty young adults to come,” I stated optimistically.
“If we could get that many, Father, that would be a blast,” they responded.
We put together a program based on the Scriptures, the CDF’s 1975 Declaration on sexual ethics, C. S. Lewis’s The Four Loves and Pope John Paul II’s Love and Responsibility. We made up some fun-looking fliers and got them into every parish we could think of. The program was to take place on three consecutive Friday nights, right after work, with pizza at the break.
The room held 100 people. The first night we turned 20 away, the second night 10. By the third week we had just enough room for everyone. It was a smashing success. We followed up the next Fall with a monthly talk on the faith, and a repeat of the dating series in a larger hall, which drew 115 each week.
I must say all this surprised me. Many are shy about mentioning chastity to single adults, thinking they won’t buy it or that it might turn them away. But, in fact, these young people were delighted to at last hear someone speak straight about it, and they wanted to meet others who were there to hear about it.
During both seminar series I mentioned during an audience participation segment on what activities were working in the DC area, the possibility of single-sex groups. I mentioned that when I was a young bachelor in Los Angeles I was invited on a blind date to a “Spinsters” dance. These women, who were anything but spinsters, had organized their own group of lovely, sharp, vibrant women to create their own kind of social life. I could see from the moment I walked in that it was a real plus to be invited to a Spinsters’ event.
There were no takers for the single-sex idea. However, several months later I mentioned the idea to two vibrant young women, and they decided to go for it. The St. Catherine Society—in honor of the patroness of single women, St. Catherine of Alexandria—was born a few weeks later. I approached every young devout woman I saw at Mass, or at our monthly talks, to invite them to consider joining the group. I even mentioned it to some in the confessional. By the time the first meeting was held, we had about ten women. We met in the president’s apartment monthly for the Rosary, dinner (ordered out) and discussion of a religious topic. Later, as the group began to grow, we moved to the church hall. The ladies put out tablecloths and candles each month for the opening dinner part of the meeting, thereby creating a warm, classy atmosphere. There was lots of discussion following the Rosary. Every effort was made to make things as personal and friendly as possible. Their first service project was to periodically visit the AIDS patients at the Missionaries of Charity, Gift of Peace. Several other outreach activities have followed over the years.
Almost immediately I saw the imprudence of a priest meeting alone with a group of delightful women each month, so I recruited a retired parishioner to be the “spiritual mother,” complementing the spiritual father. This worked well.
It quickly became clear that this was something the women wanted: a group all their own where they could support each other in living the Catholic faith, and learn more about the faith as well. Although I had to do much of the recruiting (it made sense, since I was the one who saw scores of new people each month), the rate of commitment was over 50% for those who came even once, a phenomenal number for single adults.
They were dedicated to, as their promotional card indicated, “Daily prayer, especially the Rosary, weekday Mass when feasible, spiritual reading, living a moral life, and Christian hospitality and service.” After several years, that has borne fruit: 70% of the women go to daily Mass, pray the daily Rosary and read spiritual books. These women are not only smart looking and acting: they are devout as well. And, once they get going, they carry the ball. They have come up with all sorts of solid spiritual activities, and social activities with a spiritual theme as well.
It took three years to get the men interested in forming a counterpart group. At last, in 1995, the men pulled together and established the St. Lawrence Society. The hope of mixing socially from time to time with the St. Catherine Society was not an insignificant factor in the men finally coming together.
Nonetheless, they have developed their own personality and spirituality. They are a group of spiritually-minded men: more than 50% pray the Rosary and attend Mass daily and do daily spiritual reading. The men begin with the Rosary as do the women, and then discuss a book on the faith which the members read in advance. The books have included Fulton Sheen’s The Life of Christ and John Paul II’s Crossing the Threshold of Hope. The men themselves have chosen the titles.
Some of them are extremely well read. They established their own lecture series on the faith, bringing in speakers such as Benedict Groeschel, Peter Stravinskas and Mary Beth Bonacci. The latter spoke on chastity, something which most of these men have embraced.
On the subject of chastity, early on, two of our more vibrant young St. Catherine’s members mused to each other unbeknown to me, “Father is big on including chastity as part of this thing. I don’t know if we can do it.”
“I don’t either. It’s tough.”
A year later, nicely converted to the whole gospel, they told me about this conversation, and laughed. It had worked. In fact, if we hadn’t included chastity, the whole project would have failed. The gospel has never worked at 90%.
One of these same women told me later, “Father, I always wanted to live this way, but I never knew how. This is the happiest time of my life.”
The key to both groups has been keeping them personal and making sure everyone can go home with some sort of spiritual message. When they have tried bringing in speakers to talk about a ministry in the diocese, it hasn’t gone well; attendance has fallen off. One of the best topics has been how a member came to his or her conversion to the faith, from lukewarmness or worse.
Both groups get a house at the beach each summer, one for men, one for women. Then, they get together for some meals or prayer or volleyball. During one such event on Saturday night, after sharing a meal they all went out to the beach at about 9 p. m., sat in a circle, and prayed the Rosary together. After that they sang each person’s favorite hymn. It was totally their idea. I wasn’t within 100 miles.
One year the men, yes, the men, instituted the thirty-day program for St. Louis de Montfort’s total consecration to Mary and then made the consecration together with some of the women at the cathedral on the feast of the Assumption. Once they get going, they make it happen. The work required of a priest is minimal. He can just be there for them to provide formation and then sit back and admire them for their zeal and devotion.
Well, not exactly. It is extremely helpful if the priest does much of the recruiting. The young men and women will recruit many of their peers, the priest is the one who will see many of these young people at Mass, in confession, or at various Catholic functions. It is very beneficial for the chaplain to go up to a sharp young woman or man and say “What’s your name? I’m Fr. Smith . . . Do you know about our women’s (men’s) group?” If they say yes, the priest suggests, “If you give me your phone number I will have one of the ladies (men) call you and invite you to a meeting.” This seems to be important, since they don’t have to call anyone. One of the members invites them, a courtesy which is appreciated.
I have hardly ever had a woman refuse to hear about it. There is something about a “Catholic single women’s group” which has great appeal. Some few men weren’t interested in a men’s group, but virtually every one of the hundreds of women I have addressed in this way showed interest, even if they never came to a meeting. I believe the success of these groups can be greatly enhanced if the moderator produces an average of two new candidates per week. It doesn’t take much effort but it does take a certain evangelistic boldness, a boldness which I believe Christ expects of us. And, the priest need not be young. Some of the older priests, in their seventies, are quite well accepted. What is needed is that the priest adopt these young people and help them grow in holiness.
Not surprisingly, there have been several vocations, two to the convent and two to the priesthood. We never explicitly promoted religious vocations, but by encouraging daily prayer, especially before the Blessed Sacrament, Mass, and spiritual reading, we did prepare them spiritually for this possibility.
As time has progressed, new groups have begun to spring up. There are now two St. Catherine’s groups in Washington, one in Arlington, VA, and one is starting up in New York City. One of the Washington members is moving to Rome and hopes to start one there. The men are starting to branch out as well.
A number of people have tried to get them to go coed, but the young men and women aren’t interested. They know what most of the coed groups have been like, and they don’t want to go back to that. The women in particular like having their own thing, talking about their dating struggles, about their own spirituality, and they like having a time when they aren’t being “hustled” by a man. They’re quite open to dating, but they want to have more of a say in setting the rules. In fact, when they have a party, it is a smashing success, with a hundred really decent, lively people.
I must admit, as a priest, I am delighted to work with these devout Catholics. I have officiated at many of their weddings and continue to be friends with a number of them. Good Catholics make great friends.
Some have been critical of this approach, saying too much devotion is expected of the young people. They would rather start with wine and cheese gatherings and bring them around slowly. But, Jesus didn’t do that. He gathered twelve dedicated men, many of whom had been followers of John the Baptist. John was certainly no “wine and cheese” type of guy and neither was Jesus. Jesus promised his apostles a cross, and they were willing to die for him (all but one). Then they went out and converted the world. At the rate they are going, these young single men and women may go out and do the same.
I pray that God may move many priests to initiate this sort of ministry. It is very difficult for our single Catholic men and women today, because of the sexual revolution. The dating scene is a veritable jungle. There is a desperate need for good, healthy, devout men and women to be brought together so they can live and be supported in living a good, Catholic life. The harvest is rich . . .
[For more information, contact St. Catherine’s International at 18515 Viburnum Way, Olney, MD 20832, or the author at St. Catherine Labouré, 11801 Claridge Rd., Wheaton, MD 20902,
frmorrow@mindspring.com]
Reverend Thomas G. Morrow, ordained in 1982, was host for 3 years (1989-1992) of Catholic Faith Alive!, a radio program in Washington, D.C., in which he explained the Catholic faith. He has published several leaflets on the faith, including “A Disciple’s Way of the Cross.” He is associate pastor at St. Catherine Labouré in Wheaton, Md. His last article in HPR appeared in December 1997.
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