It’s the Catholic Way

It wasn’t too many years later that the two got married and the children started coming, one by one. Almost before they could realize what was happening, they had their seven children. When the eighth and ninth children came along they were hard-pressed to come up with nice-sounding Catholic names.

Over the years our young couple were always being asked by well-meaning friends, relatives, and even perfect strangers, “When are you two going to stop having children?” It was an impossible question to answer, because they had no intention of stopping anything. They got to know other happy, well-adjusted Catholic families twice their size and saw no reason to stop having children. “It’s all relative, anyway,” they thought. “Seven isn’t all that many, or eight, or nine except when six or more of them all want to use the toilet at the same time.”

Confession is good for the soul, so it’s time to come clean. Yes, my wife and I were the young couple in question. To be perfectly honest, we were going to wait five years or so after marriage before starting our family. At the time we weren’t through with our own education and, like most young couples, thought we should wait until we were “better off.”

What we found out after twenty years of marriage is that “better off” never comes. Neither of us ever did finish college. There were good years, materially speaking, but just as many bad years, too. In some ways we are better off now than when we were just married. Our material holdings are greater, but so what? In other ways we were better off back then. For one thing, there were many fewer obligations to put a strain on the finances. Life was simpler. This is one reason why it’s better to start your family younger, and why “better off” never comes. Most of us are far too susceptible to consumerism to actually “get ahead.”

Fortunately for our nine children, we never resorted to artificial birth control. This isn’t to say that the contraceptive mentality had no effect on us. How ever, obedience to the Church’s injunction against artificial birth control gave God just enough room to instill a particular grace, and put it to work. Much sooner than expected, we were abandoning ourselves to the desire for a little baby of our own.

The fact is that even the desire for a baby is a grace — a gift from God (not the baby, but the grace of wanting one in the first place). This desire is a good and holy thing. For that reason we should all foster this attitude in ourselves and in our own children as they grow up and approach the marrying age. Lots of people want nothing to do with another child or any child at all. Pregnancy is likened to a disease. Child ren are liabilities at best, parasites at worst.

Jesus’ words to the weeping women of Jerusalem on the way to Calvary may have a special significance for our times: “For the days will surely come when people will say, ‘Happy are those who are barren, the wombs that have never borne, the breasts that have never suckled’” (Luke 23:29). Far too many people actually think this way these days, and that fact ought to scare us more than it does. Notice what St. Luke has Our Lord saying in the next breath: “Then they will begin to say to the mountains, ‘fall on us!’ to the hills, ‘Cover us!’” (Luke 23:30). This apocalyptic language seems ominously applicable to the popular culture today. It makes you wonder what might be coming next.

All those well-meaning relatives, non-Catholic friends and business associates haven’t stopped offering their generous advice on the matter, either. “Think of your health,” they say (as if pregnancy really was a disease), or “Think of your poor wife,” (as if children will make her poorer) or, “Think of the children,” and so it goes. Hello? We are thinking of children, just not in the way that the world would have us think. This is to be expected, because the contraceptive mentality is pervasive in society. You can almost smell it coming: “You know they figured out what causes that,” is usually said with a snicker. Ignorance of the Church’s clear teaching does not justify this contraceptive mentality, either. God’s natural law applies to everyone, whether they recognize it or not

But here’s the kicker: Even good, traditional-type Catholic people, who should know better, want to know if and when we intend to stop having children. This is truly mystifying, and a source of some pain for both of us. It’s a disappointment that almost feels like a betrayal, because in fact it is — a betrayal of Catholic tradition. What it shows is that none of us is completely immune to the worldly miasma that wants to choke off what’s left of Catholic culture.

Catholic susceptibility to the contraceptive mentality goes something like this: It’s understood that we would never use birth control, but there’s always NFP. After all, it’s Church-legal. Even some of the NFP materials we’ve seen come close to saying, “Watch out, or you might make a baby.” I clearly recall reading in one Catholic organization’s NFP literature that couples need to be extra careful during those times of the fertility cycle when the woman is feeling particularly amorous, because that’s when she’s also the most likely to conceive. Why is having a baby considered so dangerous?

As long as we’re still in the confession mode, let’s come clean on another point: We did practice NFP twice in the course of twenty years, for about a year at a time. Once was when I didn’t have a job, and the family was in pretty dire straits. Another time was in the aftermath of my heart attack. Both cases looked grave from our standpoint — it was a matter of survival. Still we never resorted to unnatural means. We always understood that it was for a short time only — just until God gave us some breathing room. And we always intended to have more children, Lord willing.

At least Catholics should understand, even if no one else does: God wants married couples to make babies — or at least to try — and then bring them up according to the law of His Church. So why do we hold back? Because we are not spiritual, or not spiritual enough. Why don’t we understand, first and foremost, that every baby conceived has a human soul that will live forever? God grants us the privilege of sharing in this miracle. The miracle is not in the form of a beautiful baby boy or girl, either. The miracle is in that immortal soul, which gives the baby his or her form in the first place.

Each and every baptized soul is intended to enjoy indescribable, unending happiness with God in Heaven. That is why we have children: to give souls to God. Nor will Heaven be nearly as crowded as God would like it. He wants every single human soul that He has ever created to be one with Him forever. However, God mysteriously allows sinners to disobey His will. Many are lost forever, if we can believe the words of Jesus Christ (that many do go to Hell). This being the case, how can we possibly tell God, “OK, I’ll have some kids, but only three,” or five, or seven, or nine, or whatever? How can we dare say, “Oh, I just don’t know if I can handle another baby,” or, “If I have another kid I’ll go crazy”?

Enough is whatever God determines to be enough. He creates the soul; we just supply the material, and then make room in our hearts and in our families. He will supply all the necessary graces and material needs, if we ask Him.

Souls are not created by accident. There is no such thing as an accidental baby. “Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of the Church?” is from the Roman Catholic Rite for the Sacrament of Marriage. In the Preface for the Wedding Mass the Church points out that, “Nature’s gift of children enriches the world.” If children enrich the world then they also enrich families — individual mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters. You will not impoverish your family by having another child. You will make everyone that much richer.

St. Joseph is the Protector of Families, according to our tradition. He provided for the material needs of Jesus. Now that we are Jesus’ mystical body (the Church), St. Joseph still provides for our material needs, in an active but mystical way, by his intercession with God on our behalf. He is Patron of the Universal Church. Jesus and Mary constituted the earliest Church, and St. Joseph was their protector. Now he continues to do in Heaven what he did on Earth.

St. Joseph has always come through for our family — even in our darkest circumstances — but that’s quite another story, still unfolding. For that matter, every devout family can attest to the workings of Divine Providence in one way or another. A little reflection on any of these charming anecdotes in testimony will build up our own faith, too. “Some of the seed fell among thorns.” Worldly cares prevent us from bearing fruit — in this case, having children. So much of the time we devote to prayer has to do with material needs. How much anxiety would we spare ourselves if we really entrusted all material things to St. Joseph?

Catholic couples: If it is in your power, re new the commitment you made when you exchanged vows. Respond generously to this invitation. It must make God very happy to share His creating role with us, or He wouldn’t have made it so easy to answer the call. This isn’t to say that you won’t have hardships. They come with the turf, but the reason (again) is to build up our faith.

Abandonment to the Divine Will and Providence is the key. Trust God, and don’t put up obstacles to the fulfillment of His plan. Then bring up your children the Catholic way.

Hey, it works for us.

Copyright 1998 Ray Long