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CHRISTIAN VIRTUES
The Practical Wisdom
of the
Church’s Teaching on Sexual Morality
by Mary Claire Kendall
Three of my articles have appeared in The Catholic Faith.
“The Scandal and Irony of ‘Priest’ and Other Such Fiction” focused on
the Catholic Church as a bulwark of grace for those who choose the way of “love”
in human sexual relations; “The Clarifying Light of ‘Humanae Vitae’”
sought to further illumine Church teaching in this regard; and, finally,
“Parents’ Most Precious Task: ‘Education for Love’” focused on
parents’ preeminent role in communicating the mystery of human love to their
children.
This article touches on the practical wisdom —
human and spiritual — of the Church’s teaching on sexual morality.
Modern thinking compels us to believe that living the Church’s teaching on sexual
morality stunts one’s personal growth and development. However, the exact opposite is
true. Unfortunately, this is a lesson that is often learned the hard way. Indeed, the
failure to understand and embrace the richness of this teaching is one of the root causes
of the fraying social fabric in the waning days of the twentieth century. So many souls,
with herd-like mentality, feverishly pursue activity spiced with a heavy dose of hedonism,
marked by an absolute disregard for the positive, life-affirming purpose of human
sexuality, and divorced from the deeper purpose of existence.
But, with persuasion1, as opposed to beating people over the head with
righteous ideas, I believe it is possible to effect a sea change in our culture. For, in
truth, the hedonism that characterizes our culture is essentially unattractive.
The key reason people do not live the Church’s teaching on sexual
morality is that they do not understand why they should trod such an arduous path. But,
when I think about all the effort my generation puts into having attractive bodies —
trips to the gym several days a week, vigorous workouts, a healthy, calorie-smart diet
— I have to believe this effort would be just as great or greater in the spiritual
realm if they realized the great spiritual fruits derived from sexual discipline. So,
here, if you will, is a rationale for building a more attractive soul — one that is
attractive to God and to all those we rub elbows with — from our soul mates to our
office mates.
The Church’s teaching on sexual morality is uncomplicated —
which distinguishes it from hedonism, which is a complicated and convoluted system of
belief. Simply put, the sexual powers we possess are intended to be used as a gift of
self. But the disordered desires of the flesh move us to want to apply our sexual powers
toward selfish ends.
The Book of Genesis helps us to understand why this eminently
reasonable doctrine is so often ignored. The scene is the Garden of Eden. The devil, in
the form of a snake, tempts Eve who lures Adam to eat the apple from the tree of the
knowledge of good and evil, which is the tree God declared off limits to the first couple.
In this scene, we see the first manifestation of the inclination to grasp the good apart
from the good for which the Author intended. What makes this disobedient streak
particularly confounding is that God’s precepts are not meant as a punishment but
rather are for our own good.
Since we are so blinded by our pride, lust, greed, envy, hate et alia
(i.e. the seven capital sins), God showers us with His love and grace to give us the
intellectual clarity to discern between true love and selfish “love.” So, when a
young man or woman feels the pressure to give into the entreaties of the flesh, grace
helps them discern that “love” directed only toward the pleasure of the moment,
which leaves a bitter aftertaste, is the selfish kind; whereas true “love,”
which requires restraint, is the genuine article and is well worth waiting for.
But, you may ask, what if your “significant other” turns out
to be “the one” — what difference does it make? First, you will not know
the answer to that question in the moment. And second, even if the romance ends in
marriage, the respect with which you hold one another will have been diminished and seeds
of bitterness and resentment will have been sown, risking alienation in marriage.
Let’s face it — relations between the sexes are the most political of relations.
So it is just good common sense to observe protocol in the realm of physical intimacy
— to maintain the proper “ecology,” so to speak, in the relationship all
through your lives together. As my agnostic Jewish friend puts it, “If he really
loves you, he will wait for you.” Human wisdom at its finest. While such restraint
may seem foreign to the spontaneous nature of love, it is important to remember that love
and restraint are two sides to the same coin — to truly love means denying selfish
desires. And, with each passing day, that restraint can only serve to convince you of the
love and respect in which he, or she, as the case may be, holds you.
The other reason for waiting is that this way the couple can get to
know one another on all the levels that are necessary to solidify a relationship. So many
marriages that are built mainly on the knowledge of the flesh, end when the interest in
physical love diminishes, as it naturally does. And, the couple, realizing they have
almost nothing in common, drift apart.
Beyond the human wisdom of the Church’s teaching on sexual
morality is the spiritual wisdom. The main reason for abiding by the Church’s
teaching on sexual morality is, as Christ teaches us in the Beatitudes, to “see
God” — to have hearts that are free to love — to have intimacy with God the
Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, whose seven gifts enrich us. But, when we
fall, as we all do at times, God reaches out to us and uses our weakness to help us grow
in His love, which is actually easier for the contrite soul, than for the soul that is
pure as an angel but proud as a devil. This, to me, is such a beautiful reconfirmation of
God’s love for us. It is easy to love someone when they are strong and attractive,
but when they fall or are not “on their game,” how easily we lose interest. God
knows how beautiful our souls are when we live His precepts, and how easy it would be for
Him to lose interest in such unattractive souls enveloped in so many weaknesses. But, God
never loses His interest in us.
Finally, let it be noted that the great secret weapon in winning in
this battle is Mary, the Mother of Jesus. Mary is the Mediatrix of all grace and is there
every step of the way to intercede in winning for us the grace — if only we will ask
for her help.
Mary Claire Kendall writes from Bethesda, Maryland.
End Note
1 Pope John Paul has said the 21st century must be one of persuasion.