Parents' Most Precious Task: Education for Love

by Mary Claire Kendall

The bad news about our modern culture is that love is trampled underfoot and spat upon by the forces of, what the Pontifical Council on the Family aptly calls, "materialistic hedonism" in its December 8, 1995 document titled The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality. "Materialistic hedonism" is at the root of our cultural impoverishment characterized by a joyless, sterile existence in which relationships are not so much self- The good news is that, while faced with such powerfully negative forces, we have been blessed with a Holy Father who has a deep understanding of the richness of human sexuality  the spring from which flows one's vocation to love. Pope John Paul II's writing on "the truth and meaning of human sexuality" serves as a kind of lighthouse for modern day men and women to weather the storms of "materialistic hedonism" and, having struggled to live a chaste life, arrive safely at the shore of spiritual freedom and maturity.

The lighthouse which integrates the Pope's wisdom and understanding in this regard is The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality. The foremost lesson of this document is that parents have the primary responsibility and right to educate their children "for love."1 All parents who, feeling besieged by the negative forces of "materialistic hedonism," want to cede this responsibility to some impersonal authority, will find in this document the power and light needed to set their children firmly on the path of maturity and strength as these young ones come to terms with their budding sexuality. Or, to put it another way, "the domestic church"2 has the grace to "educate" children and young adults "for love"; and The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality provides light to help parents live up to this high calling and most precious task.

Only by reading this document in its entirety can one gain a full appreciation of its richness and beauty. But, here, if you will, is a preview of its wisdom and understanding.

The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality frames the nuptial and parental vocation by explaining that:

Love is a gift of God, nourished by and expressed in the encounter of man and woman... a positive force directed toward their growth in maturity as persons ... In the plan of life which represents each person's vocation, love is also a precious source for the self-giving which all men and women are called to make for their own self-realization and happiness ... Man is called to love as an incarnate spirit, that is, soul and body in the unity of the person. Human love hence embraces the body, and the body also expresses spiritual love.3

The document notes that in the face of human frailty "... the Lord's redemption has made the positive practice of chastity ... possible and a motive for joy" both for married and those with a celibate vocation in which they give their love undivided to God.
The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality further explains the spiritual logic by which the practice of the virtue of chastity is possible, noting that: ... the virtue of chastity is found within temperance ... (and) understood ... as the purity and temporary stewardship of a precious and rich gift of love, in view of the self-giving realized in each person's specific vocation. Chastity is thus that "spiritual energy capable of defending love from the perils of selfishness and aggressiveness and able to advance it toward its full realization."4

The document then sets forth the unique and primary parental role in formation for chastity:

In the framework of educating the young person for self-realization and self-giving, formation for chastity implies the collaboration first and foremost of the parents, as is the case with the formation for the other virtues such as temperance, fortitude and prudence . . . . In giving life parents cooperate with the creative power of God and receive the gift of a new responsibility  not only to feed their children and satisfy their material and cultural needs, but above all to pass on to them the lived truth of the faith and to educate them in love of God and neighbor. This is the parents' first duty in the heart of the "domestic church"... It is important to give suitable and timely instruction (emphasis added) to young people, above all, in the heart of their own families, about the dignity of married love, its role and its exercise.

The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality further delineates the full dimensions of the parental and nuptial vocation in the following manner:

As the image of God, man is created for love ... God is love ... Creating the human race in his own image... God inscribed in the humanity of man and woman the vocation, and thus the capacity and responsibility, of love and communion. Love is therefore the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being5 .... Married love thus becomes the power which enriches persons and makes them grow, and at the same time it contributes to building up the civilization of love...

The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality then explains that the love of husband and wife for one another is the main source of education for love: "From this communion of love and life spouses draw that human and spiritual richness and that positive atmosphere for offering their children the support of education for love and chastity." Continuing this theme the Council explains that "Parents are well aware that living conjugal chastity themselves is the most valid premise for educating their children in chaste love and in holiness of life."

Further, it explains that spouses are strengthened to live the virtue of chastity by "the continuous illumination of the Holy Spirit" and then quotes the Holy Father's remarks to a general audience on November 14, 1984 at the Vatican to expand upon this theme:

At the center of the spirituality of marriage... lies chastity, not only as a moral virtue (formed by love), but likewise as a virtue connected with the gifts of the Holy Spirit  above all the gift of respect for what comes from God (donum pietatis)... So therefore, the interior order of married life, which enables the "manifestation of affection" to develop according to their right proportion and meaning, is a fruit not only of the virtue which the couple practice, but also of the gifts of the Holy Spirit with which they cooperate.

The precise parameters of "education for chastity", i.e. "education for love" are then set forth in the following three objectives: (a) maintain in the family a positive atmosphere of love, virtue and respect for the gifts of God, in particular the gift of life; (b) to help children to understand the value of sexuality and chastity in stages (emphasis added), sustaining their growth through enlightening word, example and prayer; (c ) to help them understand and discover their own vocation to marriage or to consecrated virginity for the sake of heaven in harmony with and respecting their attitudes and inclinations and the gifts of the Spirit."

The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality further clarifies parents' unique and primary role in education noting that: "... education is the parents' domain insofar as their educational task continues the generation of life; moreover it is an offering of their humanity to their children to which they are bound in the very moment of celebrating their marriage."6 This role cannot be abridged except for "serious reasons of physical or moral incapacity." Indeed, "the role of the parents in education is of such importance that it is almost impossible to find an adequate substitute."7

I hope these gems will motivate parents to study the original document and soak up its wisdom and understanding on the "truth and meaning of human sexuality" to discern how exactly they might go about fulfilling their most precious task  a right and responsibility  to educate their children "for love." A little investment of time could mean the difference between a life of bitter frustration versus a life of fulfillment and self-giving for their children and succeeding generations.

Mary Claire Kendall is a writer living in Bethesda, Maryland.

End Notes
1. The word "parent" or a derivative is included in this document some 250 times.
2. Lumen Gentium, the document on the laity which emanated from Vatican II, referred to the family as "the domestic church."
3. Cf. John Paul II, apostolic exhortation Familiaris Consortio, Nov. 22, 1981, 21; AAS 74 (1982), p. 105.
4. Ibid, page 33.
5. Ibid., page 11.
6. Gratissimum Sane, page 16.
7. Vatican Council II, Declaration on Christian Education, Gravisssimum Educationis.